In this episode of Divorce Diaries: Lessons from the Trenches, Cary Jacobson is joined by Jill Kaufman—divorce coach, therapist, mediator, and co-parenting expert—to explore the challenges of co-parenting with a high-conflict or narcissistic ex. Jill brings both professional insights and personal experience to this powerful conversation.
Shifting from Spouses to Co-Parents
One of the biggest challenges post-divorce is learning how to interact with your ex in a completely new way. Jill emphasizes the importance of moving from an emotional, marital dynamic to a business-like co-parenting relationship. That means setting boundaries, keeping communication neutral, and focusing on the children—not the past.
For situations where direct communication is too toxic, Jill recommends parallel parenting—a method where each parent manages their household independently, minimizing interaction. While not ideal, it reduces stress and allows children to adjust to different expectations in each home, just like they do in school and other environments.
Keeping Kids Out of the Middle
Children should never be caught in the crossfire. Jill encourages parents to avoid using kids as messengers, speaking negatively about the other parent, or exposing them to conflict. Instead, support your child’s relationship with both parents and give them tools to set boundaries and manage their own feelings. If needed, involve a therapist to help guide those difficult conversations.
Managing Stress and Reactions
Co-parenting with a difficult ex is emotionally exhausting, but there are ways to stay grounded. Simple techniques like deep breathing can help reset your nervous system and keep you calm during tense moments. Jill also suggests delaying responses to messages—especially inflammatory ones—and using tools like co-parenting apps or AI (like ChatGPT) to draft clear, neutral replies.
Build Your Support Team
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Having a team—whether it’s a therapist, mediator, coach, or support group—can make a huge difference. Books, online programs, and coaching services can also provide practical tools and encouragement to help you move forward with confidence.
Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex is tough—but with the right mindset, tools, and support, it’s absolutely possible to create a healthy, stable life for you and your children.
🎧 Listen to the full episode now
🔗 Learn more about Jill at divorcecoachjill.com
🔗 Get legal and mediation support at jacobsonfamilylaw.com