Co-parenting after separation or divorce is one of the most challenging aspects of family restructuring. In Episode 34 of Divorce Diaries: Lessons from the Trenches, host Cary Jacobson, divorce attorney and mediator at Jacobson Family Law, is joined by Rita Morris, a co-parent coach & mediator. Together they explore how parents can create healthier dynamics for their children by approaching co-parenting with intention and clarity.
Anchoring in Your “Why”
Successful co-parenting begins with understanding the deeper motivation behind each decision. Instead of focusing solely on surface-level conflicts or communication breakdowns, parents are encouraged to anchor themselves in their values and long-term vision. Asking questions such as “How do I want my child to describe their childhood 10 years from now?” helps parents align daily actions with their ultimate goals for their children’s well-being.
Navigating Differences in Parenting Styles
Many divorces stem from disagreements in parenting approaches, and these differences often persist after separation. While parents may not agree on every detail, it is important to recognize that varied parenting styles can actually benefit children. Much like adapting to teachers with different teaching methods each school year, children can learn resilience and flexibility when exposed to diverse parenting perspectives—so long as those differences don’t endanger their safety or stability.
Managing Emotions and Setting Boundaries
One of the biggest challenges in co-parenting is moving beyond grief, anger, and resentment. Instead of staying stuck in conflict, parents can use their values as a protective “armor” to guide healthier interactions. This often requires setting clear boundaries and creating a co-parenting “operating system” that outlines communication methods, response times, and structured updates about the children’s needs. Such systems reduce misunderstandings and help parents operate more like partners in raising their children.
The Impact of Conflict on Children
It isn’t the family structure that determines how well children adapt after divorce—it’s the family dynamic. Constant conflict can erode a child’s self-esteem, increase anxiety or depression, and affect their ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Children should never feel responsible for managing parental conflict or acting as peacekeepers. Prioritizing the child’s peace means being mindful not only of what is said in front of them but also what is shared with others that could make its way back to the child.
Tools for Repair and Growth
Mistakes in co-parenting are inevitable, but they do not have to define the family’s future. Parents can repair relationships by acknowledging missteps, offering apologies, and committing to doing better. Even when only one parent is willing to make changes, meaningful shifts in boundaries and mindset can improve dynamics. Over time, these small changes often encourage the other parent to participate more cooperatively.
Conclusion
Co-parenting is less about achieving perfection and more about maintaining focus on what matters most: raising healthy, resilient children. By staying grounded in values, setting thoughtful boundaries, and reducing conflict, parents can create a supportive environment that benefits the entire family.
For more practical insights on navigating divorce and co-parenting, listen to Episode 34 of Divorce Diaries: Lessons from the Trenches at jacobsonfamilylaw.com/podcast. To learn more about Cary Jacobson and her work with families, visit jacobsonfamilylaw.com. For additional co-parenting support and resources, visit Rita’s website: thecoparentspath.com.