Halloween costumes are going on sale, and Thanksgiving is closer than it seems. For separated and divorced parents, fall is the best time to set a holiday co-parenting schedule, before plans get rushed, flights fill up and emotions run high. When you plan in September instead of December, you give your children something every child deserves during the holidays: a predictable, calm season where they can enjoy time with both parents.
Here’s how to build a schedule that works.
Why Plan Your Holiday Co-Parenting Schedule Now
- Less conflict. Decisions made early are made calmly, not in the middle of a last-minute disagreement.
- Better travel plans. You can book flights and coordinate with extended family ahead of time.
- Happier kids. Children feel more secure when they know where they’ll be and when.
- Time to fix problems. If you and your co-parent disagree, you still have time to work it out, with help if needed.
Start With What You Already Have
Before you plan anything new, read your existing custody order or parenting plan. Many plans include a holiday section that overrides the regular weekly schedule. If yours spells out holiday time, follow it unless you and your co-parent agree in writing to change it.
If your plan is vague or doesn’t cover holidays at all, now is the time to fill in the gaps. Maryland’s parenting plan tool (CC-DR-109) includes a section for holidays and special occasions, and the Maryland People’s Law Library explains how parenting plans work.
5 Common Holiday Schedule Options
1. Alternating Holidays by Year
One parent has Thanksgiving in even years, and the other has it in odd years. It’s simple, fair and easy to remember.
2. Splitting the Holiday
Children spend the morning with one parent and the afternoon or evening with the other. This works best when parents live close together.
3. Fixed Holidays
Each parent keeps the same holidays every year. For example, one parent always has Christmas Eve and the other always has Christmas Day. This works well when families have their own traditions.
4. Splitting School Breaks
Winter break is divided in half, with the exchange midway through. Many families alternate which parent gets the first half each year.
5. Celebrating Twice
Some families simply celebrate on different days. Kids get two Thanksgivings, and nobody misses out.
Holidays and Special Days to Include
A complete holiday co-parenting schedule covers more than the big winter holidays. Consider:
- ☐ Halloween
- ☐ Thanksgiving (including the Wednesday or Friday, if school is out)
- ☐ Winter break
- ☐ Hanukkah, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Kwanzaa, and other religious or cultural holidays
- ☐ New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day
- ☐ Your children’s birthdays
- ☐ Each parent’s birthday
- ☐ Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
- ☐ Spring break and three-day weekends
- ☐ Important family events, like reunions or weddings
Details That Prevent Holiday Conflict
Most holiday disputes aren’t about who gets the day. They’re about the details. Put these in writing:
- Exact start and end times (for example, “Christmas Eve at 10 a.m. until Christmas Day at 2 p.m.”)
- Exchange location and who handles transportation
- Travel notice, especially for out-of-state trips, including itineraries and contact information
- Passports, if international travel is possible
- Phone or video calls with the other parent on the holiday
- Gifts, such as budgets or coordinating big-ticket items
- What happens if the holiday falls on a regular weekend
Tips for a Smoother Season
- Put the kids first. Ask what matters most to them, in an age-appropriate way, without making them choose.
- Communicate in writing. Clear, polite texts or emails create a record and reduce misunderstandings.
- Stay flexible. Travel delays and sick kids happen. Grace goes a long way.
- Keep kids out of adult conflict. The American Academy of Pediatrics stresses how important it is to shield children from conflict between parents.
- Plan for your own time. If you’re without the kids this year, make plans that bring you joy.
For more ideas, read our tips for successful co-parenting during the holidays and our guide to co-parenting and summer schedules.
Tools to Help You Plan
Our Holiday Schedule Checklist, Parenting Plan Template and Co-Parenting Scripts are available on the JFL Stan Store. They’re practical, ready-to-use tools that help you map out every holiday and have hard conversations with less stress.
When You Can’t Agree
If you and your co-parent can’t agree on a holiday co-parenting schedule, you don’t have to go straight to court. Divorce mediation offers a neutral space to work out a plan together. Once you agree, the plan can be written into a separation agreement or submitted to the court so everyone knows what to expect year after year.
For more on co-parenting through tough seasons, listen to the Drama-Free Divorce Podcast.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does a holiday schedule override the regular custody schedule?
In most parenting plans, yes. Holiday time usually takes priority over the regular weekly schedule. Check your order to be sure.
What’s the fairest holiday co-parenting schedule?
Alternating holidays by year is one of the most common and balanced options, but the best schedule is the one that fits your family’s traditions, distance and children’s needs.
Can we change our holiday schedule without going to court?
Parents can often agree to changes, and it’s wise to put any agreement in writing. For lasting changes, talk with an attorney about updating your agreement or order.
When should we start planning holidays?
Early fall is ideal. It gives you time to talk, make travel plans and resolve any disagreements before the season begins.
Give Your Kids a Drama-Free Holiday Season
A thoughtful holiday co-parenting schedule is one of the best gifts you can give your children. Jacobson Family Law helps parents create clear, workable plans with flat-fee pricing and a calm, respectful approach.
