Back-to-school season brings a lot of emotions for any family. For co-parents navigating two households, it can also bring a fresh round of logistical headaches — and sometimes, conflict.
Who decides where the kids go to school? Whose address do you use for enrollment? What happens when you disagree about extracurriculars, private school, or an IEP? And how do you actually coordinate drop-offs, parent-teacher conferences, and homework across two homes?
These are real, day-to-day questions that come up for co-parents constantly. The answers depend on your custody arrangement — and, to a significant extent, on how well your parenting plan was drafted in the first place.
Here’s what you need to know about school and co-parenting in Maryland.
Legal Custody vs. Physical Custody: Why the Distinction Matters for School
Before diving into specifics, it’s important to understand the difference between legal custody and physical custody — because they govern different things when it comes to your child’s education.
- Physical custody determines where the child lives and who is responsible for day-to-day care.
- Legal custody determines who has the right and responsibility to make major decisions about the child’s life — including education, healthcare, and religious upbringing.
Maryland courts can award legal custody jointly (both parents share decision-making authority) or solely (one parent has final say). Most Maryland families end up with joint legal custody, which means both parents must cooperate on major educational decisions.
The bottom line: Even if one parent has primary physical custody, both parents typically retain the right to be informed and involved in school matters under joint legal custody. Unilaterally pulling a child from school, switching schools, or making major education decisions without the other parent’s knowledge can violate your custody order.
Who Decides Which School the Child Attends?
School selection is one of the most common education-related conflicts we see between co-parents. Here’s how it typically breaks down:
When Parents Have Joint Legal Custody
Both parents must agree on major schooling decisions — including which school the child attends, whether to pursue private school, and whether to participate in specialized programs. If parents cannot agree, they generally have a few options:
- Mediation — A neutral mediator helps the parties reach a mutually acceptable agreement. This is almost always faster and cheaper than going back to court.
- Return to court — A judge decides what is in the child’s best interests. This is typically a last resort.
Courts in Maryland will look at factors including school quality, continuity (the child’s existing relationships and history at a school), proximity to each parent’s home, and the child’s own preferences (depending on age).
When One Parent Has Sole Legal Custody
The parent with sole legal custody has the authority to make educational decisions, though the other parent is typically still entitled to access school records and information under federal law.
What About School District and Enrollment Address?
In Maryland, school district assignment is generally based on the child’s primary residence — meaning the address of the parent who holds primary physical custody. If parents share physical custody equally, the parenting plan should specify which address is used for school enrollment purposes. This is an important detail that should be included in any separation agreement or parenting plan.
Custody Schedules and the School-Year Calendar
Getting the logistics right is just as important as getting the legal framework right. A parenting plan that doesn’t account for the realities of the school year can create endless friction.
A solid school-year custody schedule should address:
- Daily drop-off and pickup — Who takes the kids to school? Who picks them up? What happens on days when a parent can’t make it?
- Homework and academic support — Which parent is responsible for homework on which nights? What happens when there’s a big project or test?
- Early release and school closures — Who handles unexpected school closures, teacher workdays, or half-days?
- School breaks and holidays — Spring break, winter break, and teacher workdays may not align with the standard alternating-weekend schedule. Your parenting plan should address these specifically.
- After-school care — If the child attends before- or after-school programs, who enrolls them and who pays?
For a deeper look at how to structure your schedule around the school year, see our post: Custody Schedules: A Complete Guide for Divorcing Parents
Communication About School: The Non-Negotiable
Regardless of how custody is structured, both parents have the right to be informed about their child’s education. Under the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), both parents — including non-custodial parents — generally have the right to access their child’s school records unless a court order specifically says otherwise.
What this means practically:
- Both parents should be listed on school registration forms as emergency contacts and authorized adults
- Both parents should receive school communications, report cards, and progress reports
- Neither parent should block the school from communicating with the other
Using Co-Parenting Apps to Reduce School-Related Conflict
One of the most effective tools for managing the day-to-day communication around school is a dedicated co-parenting app. Platforms like OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents allow parents to share school schedules, document exchanges, and keep all communication in one trackable place. These apps create a written record — which can be important if disputes ever escalate.
Parent-Teacher Conferences and School Events
One of the most emotionally loaded school situations for co-parents: what happens when you both show up to the same event?
Here are approaches that work:
Separate conferences: Many schools are willing to schedule back-to-back or separate parent-teacher conferences for co-parents who can’t be in the same room. It’s worth asking.
Shared attendance with a plan: If co-parents can manage it, attending the same conference or school event is often better for the child — kids notice when parents are united around their education. Having a brief plan in advance (“we’re here for the child, not each other”) helps.
Clear parenting plan language: Your parenting plan should address how school events are handled. Does each parent receive separate notice? Can both attend concerts, sports games, and graduation? Vague plans create conflict. Specific ones prevent it.
Extracurricular Activities: Who Decides, Who Pays, Who Drives?
Extracurricular activities are another major source of co-parenting conflict — especially when one parent signs the child up for something without consulting the other, or when activities fall during the other parent’s parenting time.
Key questions your parenting plan should answer:
- Decision-making: Is enrolling a child in extracurriculars a “major decision” requiring joint agreement, or can each parent enroll the child in activities during their own parenting time?
- Transportation: Who is responsible for getting the child to and from activities during each parent’s time?
- Cost: How are activity fees, uniforms, equipment, and travel costs split?
- Parenting time conflicts: If a Saturday tournament falls on the other parent’s weekend, does parenting time shift? Is the other parent expected to take the child to the activity?
These details sound minor until they’re not. A parenting plan that addresses extracurriculars specifically — rather than leaving it to “mutual agreement” — saves a lot of arguments down the road.
Private School: When Parents Disagree
Private school is one of the highest-stakes education disagreements co-parents face, because it involves both a significant financial commitment and a philosophical decision about the child’s upbringing.
Common scenarios:
- The child was already attending private school before the divorce. Can the other parent be required to contribute to tuition?
- One parent wants to move the child to private school post-divorce. Does the other parent have to agree?
- A parent wants to enroll the child in a religious school the other parent objects to.
In Maryland, courts generally require both parents with joint legal custody to agree on private school enrollment. If one parent wants private school and the other doesn’t, a court will weigh factors including the child’s needs, the family’s financial circumstances, any prior history of private school attendance, and the child’s best interests overall.
If private school was agreed to in your marital settlement agreement, that language will govern. This is another reason why the details in your original agreement matter enormously.
Special Education and IEPs: What Co-Parents Need to Know
For children who receive special education services, both parents with legal custody rights are generally entitled to participate in the IEP (Individualized Education Program) process under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).
This means:
- Both parents should receive notice of IEP meetings
- Both parents have the right to participate in IEP meetings
- Both parents can request records and evaluations
- Consent requirements vary — check with the school and your attorney
IEP decisions can be emotionally charged, and co-parents who disagree about their child’s educational needs sometimes end up in conflict at school as well as at home. Mediation can be a productive way to align on your child’s educational plan before an IEP meeting, rather than surfacing those disagreements in front of school staff.
What Happens When a Parent Relocates and Changes the School District?
Relocation is one of the most disruptive events in a co-parenting relationship — and it almost always affects the child’s school. If a parent wants to move far enough to change the child’s school district, that typically requires either the other parent’s consent or court approval.
We cover this in detail in our post: Relocation and Effects on Custody: What Maryland Parents Need to Know
The Maryland Courts’ custody guidelines also provide helpful context on how courts approach relocation and custody modifications.
What to Include in Your Parenting Plan About School
A well-drafted parenting plan is the single most important thing you can do to reduce school-related conflict. Here are the provisions we recommend including:
School selection and enrollment:
- Which parent’s address is used for school district purposes
- Process for agreeing on school selection (and dispute resolution if you can’t agree)
- Whether private or religious school requires joint consent
Schedules:
- School-year custody schedule (including early release and weather days)
- Holiday and break schedule that specifically addresses school breaks
- Summer schedule and any overlap with school start/end dates
Communication and records:
- Both parents listed on school emergency and communication forms
- Agreement to share school communications in real-time
- Designated co-parenting communication platform
Events and activities:
- Both parents’ right to attend school events
- Process for handling separate parent-teacher conferences
- Extracurricular decision-making, cost-sharing, and transportation
Special education:
- Both parents’ right to attend IEP and 504 meetings
- Process for reaching agreement on special education decisions
Dispute resolution:
- If parents can’t agree on an education decision, what happens first — mediation, a parenting coordinator, or court?
See our Divorce Resources page for additional tools and guides, and check out our FAQ page for common questions about separation agreements and co-parenting in Maryland.
How Mediation Can Help Co-Parents Navigate School Conflicts
When school conflicts arise — whether it’s a dispute over school choice, an IEP disagreement, or a tuition argument — litigation is rarely the right first step. It’s slow, expensive, and leaves the decision entirely in a judge’s hands.
Divorce mediation and post-divorce mediation give co-parents a structured, neutral space to work through education disputes without going back to court. At Jacobson Family Law, we offer virtual mediation sessions, making it accessible for parents across Maryland and beyond.
If you’re still in the process of separating, building comprehensive school provisions into your parenting plan from the start — through mediation or collaborative divorce — is far more effective than trying to litigate the details later.
View our flat-fee packages to see how we structure the mediation and agreement process.
Frequently Asked Questions
More questions? Visit our FAQ page or contact us directly.
Can one parent enroll the child in a new school without the other parent’s consent?
If you share joint legal custody, no — school enrollment is a major decision that typically requires both parents’ agreement. Doing so unilaterally could be considered a violation of your custody order.
What if my co-parent is not cooperating with school-related decisions?
Document everything, keep communicating in writing, and consider mediation before returning to court. A parenting coordinator can also help facilitate ongoing co-parenting decisions if conflict is chronic.
Do both parents have the right to attend parent-teacher conferences?
Generally yes. Both parents with legal custody rights are entitled to educational information and access to school events. If attending together is not workable, most schools will accommodate separate meetings.
Can my ex prevent me from getting my child’s school records?
In most cases, no. Under FERPA, both parents generally have the right to access school records, regardless of which parent has physical custody. A court order limiting this right is the exception, not the rule.
My ex wants to put the kids in private school and I can’t afford my share. What are my options?
Speak with a family law attorney. Courts can consider both parents’ financial circumstances when making decisions about private school. You may be able to negotiate an alternative arrangement or ask the court to weigh in.
We can’t agree on which after-school activities the kids should do. What should we do?
Start with a direct conversation. If that doesn’t work, mediation is often faster and cheaper than going to court over extracurricular disagreements. If your parenting plan is silent on this issue, it may be time to update it.
My child has an IEP and my co-parent keeps skipping meetings. Can I proceed without them?
Legally, yes — IEP meetings can proceed without a parent who has been properly notified but declines to attend. However, it’s worth documenting attempts to include them. If disagreements about the IEP become a pattern, a mediator familiar with special education can help.
The Bottom Line
School is one of the most important parts of your child’s life — and it doesn’t pause for divorce. The co-parents who handle school best aren’t necessarily the ones who get along best. They’re the ones who have clear agreements in place, communicate predictably, and know when to get help rather than escalate.
A detailed parenting plan, a reliable communication system, and access to mediation when disputes arise — those three things go a long way toward keeping the school years drama-free.
At Jacobson Family Law, we help Maryland families build co-parenting arrangements that actually work — in the Maryland State Department of Education’s school system and beyond.
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